In the late 1920s, a young psychologist named Carl Rogers sat across from troubled children and families in Rochester, New York, and did what the field told him to do. He diagnosed. He interpreted. He explained to parents what was wrong with their child and handed down the correction from his chair as the expert in the room.

But it kept failing. The people in front of him did not change when he told them what to fix. They closed, or they nodded and stayed exactly the same. Rogers watched this happen long enough to make a turn that would reshape his entire profession. So he stopped correcting, and instead started accepting. He began offering each person what he came to call unconditional positive regard, a complete acceptance of who they already were, without judgment or advice.

It worked. Once people felt fully accepted exactly where they stood, they began to grow on their own. Rogers learned that no one unfolds under condemnation. They unfold under acceptance, at their own pace, from wherever they happen to be.