I woke up to a voice note from one of my best friends who was chosen as the ring godfather for his cousin's upcoming wedding, where he also has the task of preparing a speech. He chose to talk about embracing change in marriage.
Enthusiastically, he asked if I could share any yogi wisdom or quotes on the topic. I felt privileged and unqualified, I am no wise man; in fact, he likely knows more, having been married much longer and with two kids. We exchanged voice notes, and I absorbed valuable insights from him.
We agreed on how, when growing up, our parents, teachers, and older people would say, “people never change.” If someone had a specific trait or characteristic in their personality, those people would never change it; especially if such trait was negative. And so, we both grew up thinking that.
And he shared another eye-opening thought, that people who say that someone never changes are usually people who wanted to change a loved one and didn’t succeed.
“It is the nature of the world of forms that nothing stays fixed for very long — and so it starts to fall apart again,” Eckhart Tolle, author of the renowned book ‘The Power of Now,’ explains. “Forms dissolve; new forms arise. Watch the clouds. They will teach you about the world of form.”
Everything changes all the time. People change. People grow, evolve, make mistakes and learn, discover new ideas, and adapt their behavior. People experience things and are changed by such events. If there’s one thing that’s certain in life, it is change.
Even the very atoms composing our minds and bodies change, as Yogi Ramacharaka wrote:
“One’s body of a few years ago, or rather the particles composing that body have passed off and now form new combinations in the world of matter. And even the mind of the person is changeable. The Mind-substance is being used up and replenished, the new supply coming from the great Ocean of Mind.”
So, why would you want to change someone? Or control the direction of their change? Why bother trying to control something you cannot control? Why not just focus on acceptance, understanding and adapt?
The key to maintaining great relationships, my friend advises, is being aware of change. Knowing that change is inevitable and also unpredictable. It can make people more compatible with each other, or it can make them less compatible. In either case, there are lessons to be learned. In either case you can be loving and kind. In either case, you can be supportive.
The Yogi philosophy reminds us that the purpose of life is growth, development, improvement and unfoldment.
Accept the way you evolve. Accept the way your loved ones evolve. Embrace change with open arms. Learn, grow, and adapt to the unpredictable journey ahead. And as you navigate the uncertainties, remember that in every twist and turn, there are valuable lessons waiting to be uncovered.
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